Respite

The past few weeks have been constant motion of fast decisions, errands, work and feeling like I’ve been on call with no breaks. So much so, that when every demand met and responsibility taken care of the follow week seemed like it would be a cake walk.

  How wrong I was. The slower pacer just made all my responsibilities and obligations feel as obnoxious and needling as a whiney toddler. On top of that the mental ,physical and emotional demands had taken their toll and I personally feel like a dumpster firing during in the middle of a shit show.

  I also realized that all methods, moments and meaningful self care resulted in meeting the single goal of remaining present and grounded in what was happening. To keep me from letting my daughter’s moments and her deserved attention being lost and seeming like an obligation rather than the celebration it was.

So, now I sit here with the realization that it is I in need of some tender care, appreciation and relaxation. I needed the respite to allow me to refocus rest and heal , and I needed to pull out the big guns of a self-care routine put into overdrive.

If you’re anything like me, it’s hard to give freely and completely to yourself. Guilt will instantly remind you exactly who is counting on you and how they need you the second you consider lightening your load. To counter that I started my week using every minute of my waking hours to see to my obligations and responsibilities.

  In those 1st two weekdays I got every chore and errand done. The shopping, the  laundry, etc. That 1st day I meal prepped for the work week to make my life a little easier. I finished my homework and school obligations.

The next step in my self care arsenal was painfully boring. I ate well, got 8 hours of sleep each night, did a 30 minute workout every morning, and did not use my cell phone for at least 1 hour after waking up. 

The next big gun was putting things down and leaving them there. When I finished work I didn’t bring anything home with me, when I finished clinical I didn’t think or check anything until I went back. I effectively kept home, work and school seprated in their entirety. Then on I took a mental health day on Friday.

  I sat in my backyard and drank my coffee slowly, played with my dogs, weeded my garden, read a book and watched a movie. I ate what I wanted and didn’t feel guilty for having chocolate fir dinner.

The weekend saw more of the same, I went on a date with my partner ,spent time with my kids, had an adventure and went wherever the day took me with a friend. I had brunch, a massage, laughs and a nap. I listened to myself and my body about what it needed and I can already say I feel ready to start a new week.

……until next week.