So, it has begun. The transition from student to professional, unsure to need to know, intern to paid employee. I was prepared for this to feel unreal, overwhelming, and to even experience inposter syndrome. The only problem was that it never came.
I’m not sure why this is, because trust me my anxiety and confidence levels can betray me at any time and in a multiple of fucking ways. My instincts tell me this is because I’ve already danced this fucking tango before, well before I even began the job search. It felt unreal and overwhelming the second I walked into my first angency to learn how to provide services and the system of health care, mental health services and the intellectually and developmentally disabled population. I couldn’t believe I was being trusted to do shit with a single soul in the agency. I felt 1,000% convinced that I would leave a trail of damage and havoc behind me on my way out the door. I left the agency after my rotation grateful for the experience , comfortable in some of my abilities, some of my skills and a better understanding of creating and establishing a theraputic relationship. I also left with a better sense of what I didn’t want to do , and what population I enjoyed.
My next placement had such a wide range of services and clientele that my experience swung like a fucking pendulum. I worked with families, and anybody who sat through any form of fucking entertainment knows, this includes everything. My youngest patient was 4, and my oldest was 65. I saw individuals, families, foster families, couples, and groups. I was involved in the mental health , criminal, family courts, and educational systems. I saw run of the mill depression , and anxiety up to eating disorders, bipolar and schizophrenia. I had patients who were high risk due to suicidality, self harm or homicidality. There was a high volume of trauma, abuse, and survivors of sexual violence. I did in person or telahealth. I worked with multiple demographics of people who need social support, middle and upper class, as well as every race, religion, and, of course, clients in the alphabet mafia.
I walked into this placement more overwhelmed and definitely experiencing imposter syndrome, thinking that I was in over my head, lacking too much experience, and simply didn’t know enough to be of any help. Then my instincts kicked in and I learned time after fucking time that my instincts had evolved with my knowledge. I learned overwhelmingly that I choose an appropriate and effective intervention and that my reaction to patients almost always made the session or situation better.
Getting these experiences out of the way left me feeling prepared and ready to work in the field the second that diploma was in my fucking hands. They also taught me that while I do enjoy the day to day long term work of managing mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression I really thrive with trauma. My work with survivors of sexual violence and long term abuse was perhaps the most rewarding. I also found working with the LGBTQ+ community especially satisfying. Not only did I enjoy this work I found I was really fucking good at it.
Obviously, these experiences guided me as I began the job search and finding the agency that I felt would be the most rewarding. And, I’m not going to lie. The process of job hunting is so stressful that there should be therapy offered directly on LinkedIn and Indeed. Despite this I as pretty lucky ,as the search lasted about 3 months and I managed to find a job I really fucking wanted raher than jus taking the first one I could. Ironicaly I ended up taking the very first job that I interviewed for. I was the second runner up , and moths later, when they were ready to hire more clinicians, they reached out to me. I didn’t hesitate, as I had wanted the job and had already navigated 3 rejected offers and 3 rejections.
At the risk of sounding smug , it seemed perfect for me. The clientle I preferred, a killer commute, benefits I wanted, benefits I didn’t expect, and hours that worked for me. It did pay a bit less than I wanted, but that was something I was willing to sacrifice for benefits and the clintel/work I knew I wanted.
………until next wek
herewesayf&@#k!!! 