Healing

So, with almost a year in the field doing clinical work I have noticed some things about people in the healing process. Bare in mind they are of different backgrounds, demographics and managing different illnesses or disorders and overcoming different traumas or set backs. They also have different aspects to their process that is as unique as them. But, below is some universal things I’ve noticed with my clients:

1) The more you heal the more comfortable you become with being the villian in other people’s story….many clients have expressed being comfortable having people unhappy with them when they stand up for themselves or protect their own peace and mental well-being.

2) Setting boundaries can feel weird, especially when you are a people pleaser….clients have vocalized the debate they have wondering if they are being mean or respecting their own feelings and limits. Mant clients also find themselves able to examine the role their self esteem (or lack thereof) contributes to their desire to please others. Recognizing the desire from validation and it’s connection to self worth can have a significant impact on people’s efforts to please others.

3) A reminder ,or almost an affirmation, that I like to tell clients is that if trauma can be inherited so can love, wisdom and emotional intelligence…..this simple affirmation can help when clients are in need of a reminder to their own strengths as well as the support systems they have.

4) A history of trauma can give someone a high tolerance for pain and clients need to learn that just because they can take it doesn’t mean they should. This involves some DBT practices to help clients to relearn their triggers and boundaries.

5) Many never get the apology they deserve ,and it is sorely needed. It is important to either reaffirm that apology as the clinician or to allow for a role playing discussion where they are told some version of, “I’m sorry they had the courage to hurt you and the cowardice to ignore it’s impact. “